Small Houses Are Healthier for Children and Teens

"In one way or another, the challenges of prosperity
come up in about 40 percent of the cases I see."
- Cheryl Rampage, Senior Vice President of The Family Institute as quoted in Privileged, by Penelope Mesic, November 2008 NORTHSHOREMAG.COM

In the Spring 2008 edition of Jewel Box™ Living, I discussed the benefits of small home living as a healthy lifestyle choice. Building and maintaining close relationships with family and friends is widely documented as a critical factor in fostering good physical and mental health throughout life.

Research now finds that small home living is especially good for teens. A recent article in Chicago's NorthShore magazine, focused on the privileged life many teens lead in Chicago's wealthy northern suburbs and the growing number of adolescents who are collapsing under the weight of their advantages. The risk factor for these young people is something that most regard as a benefit - affluence and all the possesions that come with it, particularly the larger house.

Here is an excerpt from this fascinating article:

In fact, the wealthier the child, the more likely to feel estranged. This matters because the best predictor for healthy adjustment is closeness to one's parents, and the reverse is a warning sign for drug and alcohol use, anxiety and depression. And when these problems emerge in high school they may predict a lifelong vulnerability in adulthood.

One way that affluence plays a part, Rampage says, is that "closeness" has a literal component. A less-prosperous family usually shares a smaller space. Parents can see or hear when a child is upset or sad. Children can tell when their parents are worried and have a better sense of their family's problems. The child is more likely to contribute, and the child's contributions are more likely to be valued, which creates a sense of worth and responsibility.

A middle-class family may really need a teenage son or daughter to clean house or to baby-sit and make a meal for younger siblings or to have a job to save money for college. An affluent teen may have no reason to do chores or cook dinner. After all, there are people around who are paid to do those things. Another contributing factor is the affluent teen with his or her own room, bath, TV, computer, telephone and car doesn't have to compromise about who will use the car when, or learn to take turns choosing what's on television, or negotiate about who takes the first shower.

From the parental point of view, to have your child live in a parallel universe may seem entirely positive. Your Audi won't come back from basketball practice with a crumpled rear bumper. You won't spend most of Nova arguing with a 14-year-old who would rather watch Spiderman III. You can read The New York Times "Style" section without having to listen to Radiohead. But even irksome contacts can foster closeness and promote the skills your child needs, including the ability to compromise, negotiate, accommodate others and take care of belongings.

"In a smaller space you witness each other's moods and interests," says Sachs Alter. "You take turns, enjoy each other's company."

The complete article can be found at NORTHSHOREMAG.COM.

The moral to this story? Make children share a bedroom. Its good for them!

Until next time,

Genevieve

Happy Mother's Day!

Sleepy Baby c.1910 - Mary Cassatt (1845 - 1926)

Mary Cassatt is well known for her pastels and oil paintings of mothers and children involved in the rhythms of every day life. Cassatt beautifully captures the deep love mothers have for their children, as well as the warmth, comfort and security children feel in the presence of their mothers. It is almost as if we are intruding on an intimate moment between mother and child.

My mother passed away over 20 years ago. I am always reminded of her by the lovely expressions on the faces Cassatt's mothers. These are perfect replicas of my mother's expression while having dinner with her family or throwing a party for friends. She had created something beautiful and brought joy into our lives. Her family, her home and her friends were her life's work.

Although my mother died before I was married or had children, she passed on to me and my sister what she considered the foundation for keeping a beautiful home - a schedule/routine. During the week, establish a time and place for all basic household tasks. By keeping to this routine, family life runs much more smoothly than it otherwise would. Children know when laundry will be done - or for my boys, when they should do laundry. Everyone knows when grocery shopping takes place, when sheets are changed and when dinner is served. A routine is especially helpful in the case of a smaller home, where bathrooms and bedrooms are shared.

Basic tasks to include in your household routine/schedule:

• grocery shopping
• laundry
• changing bed linen
• dinner time
  
• bed time for younger children

So how does my weekly schedule look?

• Sunday - Grocery Shopping - Plan for two hours round trip to the grocery store and back, then another hour to put away groceries. I usually cook a very simple meal on Sundays, because I'm exhausted after the grocery store!
  
• Monday - Bed linens are changed every two weeks - But don't beat yourself up if it slips to three weeks or more. No one is going to die because of dirty linen! And I usually have pasta for dinner on Mondays because its easy.
• Tuesday - No big chores on Tuesday, but I cook a more substantial dinner. Usually chicken.
• Wednesday - No big chores and I cook a simple dinner or we have sandwiches. At this point I have cooked three meals in a row and I'm ready for a break.
• Thursday - No big chores, but I cook a larger meal. My boys enjoy beef, so I often try to serve that on Thursdays.
• Friday - Take a break! Pizza for dinner and no chores.
• Saturday - Clean the house and do laundry. This is a big day for chores, but I prefer to get everything done in one day. Usually I work with the kids cleaning the house and doing laundry until 3:00 pm. Then we are done and ready to entertain guests or go out. The laundry is usually not all folded, but that happens a little at a time during the week.

As for dinner, we eat very late, usually at 8:30 or 9:00. I always tell the children we are on European time! When they were younger, they ate and were in bed by 8:00. But now that they are teenagers, we eat as a family after they are done with sports, after school activities and homework.

Now back to Mothers Day. Those of you who visit the the Jewel Box Home website, know that I created a cocktail - The Genny - in honor of my mother, the original Jewel Box diva. So for Mother's Day, treat yourself to a Genny and give yourself credit for all the sacrifices you make and love you give without asking anything in return!

The Genny

Champagne
Pomegranate Liqueur (I prefer Pama)
Strawberry for garnish

Fill a fluted glass 3/4th full with champagne.
Top the glass off with 1/4th pomegranate liqueur.
Garnish with a strawberry and enjoy!

Ten Tips for Raising Children in a Smaller Home

Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them.”

Richard L. Evans Shortly before or after having their first child, most parents will utter the phrase, "We need more space. Let's start looking for a larger home." My husband and I did the same thing. Our first son was born when we lived in a one bedroom condo that was under 800 square feet. After we brought him home from the hospital, he slept in the bedroom, my husband and I slept in a futon on the living room floor every night. And this futon was only the size of a twin bed! We did this until my son was 18 months old and then moved to our current three bedroom, 1800 square foot house. I now have two sons and my oldest is 18 and leaving for college in the fall. So how do you raise children in a smaller home? Let me pass on a few tips that I learned from experience, as well as from a good friend who is married and has 12 children - that's right an even dozen - in a house no bigger than mine. Throw out the changing table. You do not need a changing table to change a diaper. Either change diapers on the bed or on a clean towel or diaper mat on the floor. I don't think I have ever seen a 1 1/2 year old lie still on a changing table for a diaper change. You will be saving money and space in your home. Babies and older children can sleep in the same room. Yes they can. So what if the baby wakes up the older sibling sometimes. Your older child will learn to fall back to sleep and babies like the company of someone else in the room. Children can share bedrooms. Contrary to conventional wisdom, children do not need their own bedrooms, they can share. This is what bunk beds are for. There is nothing wrong with two or three children sharing the same room. In fact, siblings tend to be closer when they share a room. My sons will talk to each other after the lights are out and discuss things they would never bring up with me. They also figure out how to solve problems on their own. Keep computers and TVs out of the bedroom. Put the computer and TV in the family room or the basement. This not only lets you keep tabs on what the children are watching or doing on the computer, but leaves space in the bedroom for the essentials - a bed and nightstand for each child, which leads me to the next tip. Keep furniture in the bedroom to a minimum. You only need a bed and nightstand for each child along with a lamp. This is more than enough personal space. But what about a dresser for clothing? That leads us to tip #6. Use closet organizing systems instead of dressers. If you organize the closet with space to hang clothes, as well as drawers and shelving units, you can do away with dressers and cabinets for storing clothes. I like the Elfa storage systems at the Container Store. Use the dining room table for homework. This is typically a space with good lighting, children can spread out and do their work and a parent is usually available in the kitchen or close by to offer help. Buy a nice book shelf and dedicate one or two shelfs for each child to store school work and books. This eliminates the need for a desk for each child and keeps children organized. Store toys in a nice cabinet kept in the dining room or family room. You can organize the different toys in baskets inside the cabinet. I know its hard, but try to get children to put toys away after they are done playing. Don't feel bad if you have to yell to get the kids to clean up. This seems to be a normal motivational tool. Adults shower in the morning, children bathe at night. This bathroom routine makes it possible for an entire household to function with only 1 full bathroom and a powder room. Just remember, the skills learned by children living in a smaller home - negotiating shared spaces, learning to respect differences - are the same skills that lead to success outside the home. Until next time, Genevieve